i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
