ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
