sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize