Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
