on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
