rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
two words: eviction party
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize