someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
