So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
