I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
