she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
