Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do vagina's smell?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
