I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think my moral compass just broke
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
