yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
love makes seman taste better
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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