Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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