Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
