____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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