I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
