I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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