I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
