He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
