this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
