Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was like eating out sand paper
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
