Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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