Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
