whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
