it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
