He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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