from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
