Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
