I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my sisters under your porch take her home
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
