his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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