Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
