I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
