I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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