Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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