my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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