Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
