dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
