I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
two words...techno handjob
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
