Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
