we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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