Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
