She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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