didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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