I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i've created a new STD.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
