I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
