i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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