I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
