if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
where are my eyebrows?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize