phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
