I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
