Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
