You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
