Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
