I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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