the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
