GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
