hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
