Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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