Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
