You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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