Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
