u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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