Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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