You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
