Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
