why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
