Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
