We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
