Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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