My sheets look like a crime scene.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
