i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
