I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
