I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
