and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize