My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
