You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
