May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
