I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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