then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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