I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
