i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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