I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
