If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
worst night to have a conscience
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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