Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
