Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
