i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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