I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize