Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
