Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
